What’s the mysterious X factor that’s preventing you from reaching your full potential?
Well, it boils down to just this one critical thing:
Whether your purpose in life is to…
- forge an amazing career you can be proud of
- build a prosperous business worthy of respect
- be the best possible parent you can be
- build a solid legacy worth passing on
- or whatever else you desire to achieve in your life
…you’re not likely to succeed without self-confidence.
Studies show that a lack of self-confidence is a dominant factor that limits your ability to fully achieve your goals.
What is self-confidence? It’s having a certainty of your own power — a strong and unwavering self-belief that you will act in a right, proper and effective way in whatever you do. In other words, having self-confidence means believing in yourself and in your ability to know what to do. It’s an understanding that you can get stuff done, and get it done right.
You can boost your self-confidence toward a stellar level — and become that much more successful in life — simply by gaining a thorough understanding of exactly what self-confidence is… and spotting the lies and pitfalls that sabotage it in yourself.
Let’s take a look at the key factors that affect self-confidence, and how you can use this knowledge to your advantage.
Technology attacks self-confidence
We live in an age surrounded by amazing technology.
It helps us in ways we could have only imagined a hundred years ago, and gives us leverage that would have been reserved for only a small class of people of that time.
As wonderful as all this modern technology is, it has become more of a source of distraction and addiction than anything else.
Take for example something as ubiquitous as social media, which has given us the power to connect with anyone in the world. There’s obviously a huge apparent benefit to this.
But the downside is that it has left us in a state where we constantly compare our own status with people we don’t even know. It corrupts our ability to accurately self-assess; distorting our sense of self-worth.
And on top of this, we’ve become digitally addicted and distracted. We’re losing our social skills and our effectiveness in life.
Even if you’re a person that currently utilizes technology with little to no side effects, don’t underestimate the technologies of tomorrow. They will test your self-confidence at a whole other level.
We trade our self-confidence and talents for these conveniences of technology, whatever they may be. Unless we build new talents and increase self-confidence in new areas of our lives, there will be repercussions.
We will feel the crippling effects of never having taken actual responsibility for these new and amazing so-called conveniences of the Modern Age.
Humans desire to survive and thrive
We all have desires in our lives and want to be our best selves. We want to make an impact in the world and in the humanity that surrounds us.
Yet, our deep desires and drive to survive often lead us towards parts unknown.
There are many different areas of life that need your attention. It’s easy to get them crossed up with each other, neglecting some and over-working others.
This can lead to a feeling of overwhelm about everything you want, need and are expected to do. As a consequence, you can get up to a point where your self-confidence gets compromised; it gets lost in the whirlwind of things.
Our needs have a hierarchy
To better understand and sort out this feeling of overwhelm caused by needs and desires, let’s take a look at Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs:
Self-Actualization
Desire to become the most that one can be
Esteem
Respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, strength, freedom
Love and Belonging
Friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection
Safety Needs
Personal security, employment, resources, health, property
Physiological Needs
Air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction
Envision the above items in the form of a pyramid, with Self-Actualization at the top point and Physiological Needs at the wide base. When viewed that way, you can see each level of the pyramid rests upon and gets support from the level below it.
One nice thing about this pyramid is that you can use it to help narrow down priorities. This is done by assessing your life against the pyramid and separating out from one another the areas of needs you are concerned with. Then prioritize these based on the hierarchy of the pyramid.
When you have taken care of your needs at the bottom, you have more capacity to give attention to the higher levels. Therefore, by building from the bottom up you systematically reinforce your ability to obtain satisfaction on higher strata.
But beware… when these bottom areas have been taken care of, a person can create new trouble for themselves where there was none.
It’s almost like people create trouble for themselves on purpose when they don’t have enough problems or are confused, stressed or bored. Which, of course, leads back to a need for more self-confidence.
Walls of confusion built by self-confidence
Once you’ve examined and prioritized your needs in relation to Maslow’s Hierarchy, you’re ready to start establishing the things necessary in your life to meet each of these needs. And as these needs are met, your self-confidence will start solidifying and growing.
At this point, you may feel like you have it made.
But then… bam! You hit up against a wall.
What is this wall? Where did it come from?
Understand this: for every lie there is some truth. And for every truth there is a lie. This is a painful and constant contradiction that can leave you in a perpetual state of confusion. This resulting confusion becomes the building blocks of self-imposed barriers.
Living in a world that has been built by those before and unbeknownst to us, we forget history and the ambitions of those who put it there. Here in the present we don’t fully grasp the truth — and the lies — associated with this back story. Specifically, we miss out on the important lessons of pain, blood, sweat and tears that went into all these constructs that have been passed down to us.
The self-confidence of these past creators of the world you now stand upon sponsors and supports you in your own endeavors. But there are so many different perspectives to be had and so many opinions from so many directions that it can be easy to get mixed up. This can lead to putting effort into things that don’t actually support your own interests.
Get leverage over the lies
How easy it is to fall into the trap of lying to yourself about how much work you must be willing to do to succeed!
You eventually must face the reality of the amount of work actually required to scale the walls that have been built up all around you in life. When you do so, you often discover you needed to work much harder or needed to focus on a different type of work altogether.
Self-confidence is the key to finding the leverage you need to overcome the obstacles before you. Throughout your life you will be tested, and you will have to use your ingenuity in ways that the less confident may not have the strength or will to do.
Success in any part of life is going to take some level of effort. Fundamentally, success is the conquering of obstacles that are in the way of something you desire.
Utilize moments of clarity
Whenever a moment of clarity, decision, realization or inspiration comes, you must flow with that moment of leverage that you get from within. These are opportunities that should be taken while you have an opening.
This can be the aha moment, the cognition, the realization, a message or a vision. Whatever it may be, it is a moment where you see a clear path to accomplish your desire. Similarly, it can just be the realization that something must change — that you need to formulate your plan to move forward.
This realization may be only a small fraction of all the effort you’ve put in up to this point. Often it can seem to be too simple and almost insulting to your intelligence. Regardless of how you feel about it, you must make sure to put in motion whatever it may be and start building momentum. This will build self-confidence and put you in a better position for success.
Natural structures of success
Success in life has a natural structure. However, when you see successful people you often don’t see the elements and factors that lead to that success. At the heart of it, this success rests upon a self-confidence.
There’s the will power, the hard work, the focus, the ingenuity, the sacrifice and the insight. These things are the essence of self-confidence. With them, a person knows they will make it happen one way or another.
Be present
Being present in the here and now can be the difference between success and lack of it. If you are not here in the now, you very well may miss the opportunities you have been working so hard for in life. Moreover, you may miss the points being presented to you and how these apply to your desires.
Being present is being here and ready to play the game; ready to make the necessary moves of life. Add up what the past or future is really costing you in the long run when your mind is somewhere else and you miss the mark.
Power Concept #1: Be present and in the moment
Power Concept #2: Live with reality and face the truth
Define a purpose
Creating a purpose can be as simple as making a choice of what your major dedication is in life. You then begin having this as your main interest and concern, and set other things to the side.
To find your purpose, take a look at what you truly care about. Consider what makes it important to you. Is it some deep drive from within? Is it something that you know you must do? What would make you give a deep dedication to a single or select few things in your life?
Your purpose is yours and you must own it at all cost. Your success and life may very well depend upon it.
When you give a deep attention and effort to a single activity in your life, it is amazing how much confidence it can build. Certainly, making up your mind about what your purpose is and knowing where you’re going dissolves doubt in ways nothing else can.
Power Concept #3: Create or discover a purpose to work toward
Power Concept #4: Clarity
Power Concept #5: What is your why?
Your true resources
You have produced fruit in your life. In examining this fruit, you see both success and failure… and everything in between. Whatever it may be, it is yours — and looking at the truth of what you have right here and now will give you a true starting point for understanding what you have to work with.
Power Concept #6: Your knowledge of life
Power Concept #7: Your resources in life
Power Concept #8: Be grateful for what you have
Power Concept #9: Search for leverage
Power Concept #10: Seek the state of flow
Creativity and problem solving
Creativity is the essence of life. Significantly, it is the real basis of self-confidence, as it is the tool we use to survive in life. We create life around us with it, and in some ways it connects us with a higher source.
Being creative can be simple, or complex. By definition, it can be anything you can imagine. There are problems to solve in your life, and you use creativity to solve them. That is the essence of the game, and we are here to play.
Power Concept #11: Be creative; be an artist
Power Concept #12: Solve problems
Power Concept #13: Meditate
Power Concept #14: Journal your thoughts
Power Concept #15: Think positively
Power Concept #16: Use positive words
Power Concept #17: Find affirmations that work for you
Aligning with your power to boost self-confidence
Aligning your life to prepare to manifest your desires is always time well spent. In aligning your life, it’s helpful to understand the five stages to the alignment cycle:
Power Concept #18: Alignment Cycle:
• Knowledge
• Value
• Agreements
• Commitments
• Manifestations
These five stages are important to know — and to understand concurrently that they can be stages of confusion.
The alignment cycle starts with knowledge. By “knowledge” we’re referring to everything you have ever known or ever will know. When you look at it isolated by itself, the idea of knowledge can be quite overwhelming and nearly impossible to sort out.
Then there is what you have assigned or believe to be valuable in life, based on all the knowledge you have acquired or have access to. This starts to bring clarity to the knowledge of life you have gained.
Next, there are the agreements you make based on these values. Specifically, you agree to put effort into some type of action in your life for yourself with other people or things.
Once you’ve made agreements with yourself and with others, there are then commitments to actually achieve these agreements. These, however, often end up being quite different from the agreements you originally set out to accomplish.
All this finally leads to manifestations, which are the real fruit of the commitments in your life. If you’re tracking with this, you see how it begins with knowledge and then value is assigned. Following from that agreements and commitments develop. This eventually results in manifestations.
It can be very difficult to guide this cycle at times… yet seemingly easy other times. But realize when it comes down to it, everyone’s life bears some type of fruit. Whether this fruit is good or bad is a matter of perspective.
Organization
Life itself is a series of organizational systems. Examining the various items that comprise your life — your body, plants, the sea, the stars, businesses, the layout of a book, a subject in school, a plan for your life — you find they’re all organized systems.
When you have a respect for the nature of the organization that surrounds your life, you will know where you can increase your chances of success. And you will also know where not to disturb or change certain structures.
Power Concept #19: Pay attention to the way the world is organized
Power Concept #20: Organize what is in your direct power to organize
Your support system
If you are alive, you are part of humanity. And the world is built upon the personalities and talents of every single person, all put together into one big jug called life.
It takes a village to raise a child, they say. Likewise, it takes an amazing amount of effort to make the world go on like it does, and if there is breath in your lungs you are part of it.
Everything you have ever wanted to accomplish or possess has value of some type. Not just for you, but also for what other people find valuable.
Value is relative to the situation, and nearly every situation involves people: your mother, your friends, your boss, your employees, your teacher, the gas station clerk, the artist, the maker of your car, the Realtor who sold you your house, the park ranger, and on and on and on. To one degree or another, they all have a part in your life. Knowing who matters the most and fits your purpose and plans in life is very important to creating opportunities along your journey.
Having the right relationships can make the difference between having self-confidence in a situation or not.
Power Concept #21: Master
Power Concept #22: Apprentice
Power Concept #23: Friends
Power Concept #24: Family
Power Concept #25: The village
Power Concept #26: Support those that are worth supporting
Power concept #27: Volunteer
Planning and self-confidence
Have written plans.
Very few people have written plans in life — it’s something like only 3% of the population. And those 3% are running the show most of the time.
When you have a plan and you work on that plan you will have more direction. This leads to more confidence all around. Beneficially, it has structure, it has been thought out, and it is being systematically achieved.
When you don’t have a plan, just know that you will forever be part of someone else’s plan.
Power Concept #28: Plan your life and success
• Daily
• Weekly
• Quarterly
• Yearly
• Long-term
• Lifelong
Power Concept #29: Constantly update
Power Concept #30: Become obsessed with completing
Power Concept #31: Have powerful daily routines
The battle of life
The battle of life involves the real-time activities that make up the ebb and flow of life itself. In other words, it is the day-to-day shots you take. It’s where the fruit tree is planted and where the fruit is picked. And of course, it is where you win and lose, where you give and take.
Power Concept #32: Understand the ways you play
Power Concept #33: What is the show you portray?
Power Concept #34: Be prepared for opportunity
Power Concept #35: Plan to win
Paying the toll and maintaining self-confidence
There is a toll and a price that you pay for everything in life. Knowing that this is part of the equation will help avoid being surprised and therefore keep more of your self-confidence intact.
There are thieves in this world that can test your stability and security for sure. It helps to take a good look at what is the reality of your security in your life, and understand the price you pay for quality and quantity.
Power Concept #36: Pay your debts
Power Concept #37: Leverage every loss
Enlightenment and power
The entire journey of life is to survive and create an effect along the way. The types of effects are yet to be seen until tomorrow of course. Furthermore, they will vary in every possible way from person to person.
Always know that you will be building upon and refining the knowledge, resources and power that you give and take throughout your life; nothing will stay the same forever. But if there is a game you are playing that is worth holding in place, get good at it and continue to play it and win.
Power Concept #38: Increase influence
Power Concept #39: Build valuable knowledge
Power Concept #40: Build skills toward your craft
Power Concept #41: Be forever curious
Power Concept #42: Be flexible
Build never-ending success and self-confidence
There can be an amazing struggle with the constant reinforcement of your level of being present, purpose, assets, creativity, alignment, organization, networking and support, planning, playing the game everyday, paying your debts, refining knowledge and power.
Accepting the constant readjustment of your plans in life is part of the game and is a constant chore. Therefore it’s best if you can fall in love with this fact. The game is the constant pivoting, engagement and withdrawal dance that is life itself. Self-confidence is part of this dance.
With the mindset of attacking this challenge and staying nimble, you will act according to your circumstances and show up to win. As a result, you’ll be more willing to take the punches and deliver them that much more aggressively.
Align achievements with your life
The odd thing about achievement is that every fruit that your life bears is an achievement. It’s your perspective of what is important at the time of your achievements that determines the value of it.
Every time you achieve anything, you must leverage that momentum in any way possible. The feeling of accomplishment will build confidence in not only yourself but also those around you. Success attracts more success by nature, and those that witness it will expect and support more of it in most circumstances.
Transform your mind with creativeness to boost self-confidence
Self-confidence is born from the well-aligned creativeness and problem solving that you have accomplished, along with a sense of stability.
Life is a constant creation and evolution of human needs and desires that come from your heart and mind. Additionally, it is your self-confidence, which starts from within, and your will to push forward and create the world around you that keeps the show of life running. All the elements of life come into play in their respective places to make up your experience along this journey.
As you live with the realities of life and face them head on, you will build more self-confidence… because as the game progresses you understand more of the game and the rules of life.
This is supported by many factors and is constantly on the move while you are here living in that body, with your ideas and available resources. Build self-confidence however and whenever you can and never let up on the game of life and fulfillment.
Be the example to those in your life that matter, and make your life one of value and wonder. Furthermore, make sure to pass the legacy of your personality and creativeness down to those in your life that you care about, and make the world a better place.
People are depending on your self-confidence. It is just as simple as that.
Theuns Naude says
Great, great help, have been looking for something like this for years now. Thank you so much. I know now I’m truly worth a lot more for my clients than I ever thought as well as for others to whom I refer business to.
Brian James says
Being able to activate those around us to take action that benefit their lives, such as clients, also translates to being able to activate those in our personal lives as well. Thank you for reading Theuns.
Mzwandile says
Thank so much I will start to practice these suggested points to boost my self-confidence
Brian James says
That’s great Mzwandile. With so many areas of life to take into account and deal with, our ability to shift and pivot as needed is vital to success.
bradley says
this is very powerful i don’t why i only heard of this now i wish it ws sooner
Brian James says
I am glad that you are able to find leverage from it Bradley.
Nkurlee says
This is very insightful and that’s what I just needed to have strategic ways to make it happen, in this paradox of existence.
Brian James says
I couldn’t agree with you more on this existence being a paradox.
contadores en miami says
It’s difficult to find educated people in this particular topic, but you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
Brian James says
I appreciate that.
I feel that it is an ongoing education for anyone that is seeking to improve themselves and the world around them.
Jerry Folorunso says
This is a good motivation for youths to grow in life self-confidence is a key word for every succeful man this is very educative for everyone wishing to grow in life .
Brian James says
Life is a journey that must be embraced from many different angles. Stability can be knocked down, and growth can be stunted, and that’s part of life. It is our responsibility to get back up and push our roots through the hard ground to reach our highest potential along our journey. Every age or creed will have these challenges in common, and self-confidence is a powerful term that we can always use more of and build in those around us.
Jerrell says
Saved as a favorite, I like your website!
Brian James says
Thank you, Jarrel.